Maybe I Ain’t Your Type

If you know your mirror more than me,
And still don’t like the girl you see,
Maybe ten doorsteps far from mature,
Selling your soul for haute couture,
More wants and needs than Red Cross,
Always wanting to be the boss,
Still learning to wash your draws,
Still burning men just because,
Maybe I ain’t your type,

If you think a Glock tells the time,
Then you’re the reason for the rhyme,
An escalator is a car to drive?
Dumber than any dumb blonde alive,
Eat out every night, still can’t cook,
But know the name of every cookbook,
Smoke this and put it in your pipe,
Maybe I ain’t your type,

If you can’t converse for a line or more,
Pretty in the face, but a social bore,
Only glamour pics to catch my eyes,
A wolf wearing wolf suit in disguise,
Don’t love music or like to dance,
Take all the money without romance,
Don’t be upset if I grumble or gripe,
Maybe I ain’t your type,

If you think body and brains is all,
The ride you take is sure to fall,
If you wear this hat I’m sorry it fit,
Maybe life’s an exam you should resit,
It’s not about you, so let me just say,
Like how you are? Stay that way,
With your con, conceit and hype,
Baby, maybe I ain’t your type.

A Full Life Lived

If I placed my life on pages,
It would take stages and ages,
To read, relate, recall,
Because I’ve done it all,
But yet with no regret,
The ones I made upset,
All the joy I brought,
The thoughts I thought,
Things that sucked,
Chances I fucked,
Kill at will and still,
No pill to find a thrill,
Enemies many, friends few,
Biting on lots to chew,
Best Dad, worst Father,
Sometimes I would rather,
Confront the pain and die,
Than be the reason they cry,
If not me, who would they be?
Created all so perfectly,
Ups, downs, turnarounds,
A life in and out of bounds,
Not as weak as I believe,
Not as strong as I think,
Fire, smoke and ashes,
Another wave crashes,
I miss giving love,
As I stare above,
Clouded and shrouded,
My life has been crowded,
Helping the world,
Life twisted and curled,
A ball of cord unravelled,
Seen a world I’ve travelled,
Made millions smile,
Lost millions while,
Choices made,
Judas paid,
A star bigger than belief,
Where do I find relief,
From perfect imperfections,
Selections or rejections,
I fear nothing today but tomorrow,
Lend my heart, borrow sorrow,
From a weaker soul than I,
To help them stand and try,
To be another me and win,
In this game called real life,
Earning and learning the way,
Makes it easier to say,
I’m not a perfect man or near,
Not there, but swear I care,
Each time falling I rise,
To my surprise time flies,
Never standing still,
Trying again to get it right,
Fighting darkness to win light,
Sea shells help to soothe,
Rough seas sounding smooth,
What will be said on that day?
On this day, new day, anyway,
If, but, perhaps and maybe,
All of this has made me,
The imperfect man made,
To ride out the storm,
Regain the norm,
Balance the scales,
When all else fails,
Standing and landing on my feet,
In this land of bittersweet,
I’m still thankful and pray,
Another chance another day,
Doing the best a better way,
Taking a chance once more,
Not afraid to face the floor,
Pierce the skies and soar,
Miles to walk before I run,
Towards a beautiful setting sun,
Finishing at the start to restart,
I’ll try to live a full life lived…again.

One-Man Show comes to Jamaica ….“The Doodu Boy”

One-Man Show comes to Jamaica
“The Doodo Boy”

Kingston, September 4 ​A one-man performance that is powerful, riveting, hilarious and mind-blowing…a life story that crosses and connects internationally with people from every possible background, portrayed by a Jamaican onstage will be in Jamaica this September. This is what Stefhen Bryan, a Jamaican artist and author has been showcasing to rave reviews Off Broadway and several theatres across the United States.

Stefhen “Doodu Boy” Bryan will visit Jamaica from September 21 to October 10 for a series of performances and interactions in Kingston, Ocho Rios and Montego Bay. He will also be visiting, and giving talks at two schools he attended in Jamaica, Camperdown High School and Franklyn Town Primary, and plans to address students at other schools as well. He will also select an appropriate charity.

“Doodu Boy – The Search for Love…from Cesspool to Sushiland” is an adult-themed autobiographical path of a young boy in Jamaica plagued by the ever present face of poverty in his life, the trauma, abuse and struggles he faces along with a much too early life experience of falling into a septic cesspool at a tender age. The meandering and interestingly woven tale takes him outside of Jamaica to unveil secrets of his past with a newly discovered father, which speedily unravels to a thread. Many attempts at his own life, twisted tales of survival and psychological rebirths in-between, Bryan arrives at UCLA and departs with a degree in Economics. He feels the need for new flavours in life and flies to Japan to teach English, but not before playing out many of the issues that have haunted him for close to a lifetime.

He becomes submerged in the culture and colourful life of Japan and wiles himself into the women and ways of the world. The ultimate resolution is found in a good wife and a willingness to face all the demons of the past head on, which leads to the ultimate completion of his journey. This profound, hysterical and highly dramatic performance occurs in a 95-minute viewing with very sparse props for a set, very little time to catch your breath between howling laughter and burning tears, and one man who tells the tale.

The current run of “Doodu Boy” will also be performed in Atlanta, Miami and Japan.

Stefhen Bryan is author of the critically acclaimed “Black Passenger Yellow Cabs: A Memoir of Exile and Excess in Japan” and the recently published novel “Only Begotten”, which is being adapted to film. He currently lives in Kobe and California with his wife.

Contact: ​Rodney Campbell
​​E: rsoc1@yahoo.com
​​T: 372 0235

G-Sat and Student Zoning

I can still recall my days at Saint Richard’s Primary and the anxiety faced by many of my schoolmates around the time of sitting the dreaded Common Entrance Examination (CEE). This was the hurdle between another year in primary school and a stroll into the hallowed halls of high school. The drills in class, after school extra lessons, a sacrificed summer, all played a part in making us potential candidates for hypertension and a stroke. In looking back I realise most of us were quite prepared academically and intellectually, but a few had exam performance anxiety issues. I firmly believe that every teacher I had was gifted and knew how to make the bright students perform consistently, while being able to raise the levels of under performers to be on par with the rest. Let me hasten to add that the student population was quite a mixed bag from the elite to the underprivileged, with many scholarships being gained by those from any address. The major apprehension was not social background, test aptitude or even the day of the test. The real day of jubilation or judgement was reserved for the arrival of the early morning printed results in the pages of The Daily Gleaner.

Searching in Suspense

It is always amazing that around the world children don’t usually wake up early on their own to get ready for school. However, once these results were printed, nothing compared to a Jamaican child waking up at 4am, barely taking a breath or washing a face, waiting for the newspaper vendors at 5:30am to readily supply a document containing the greatest news on earth…or revealing doom or gloom. The rush for papers was also major with each household seeking to purchase two or three in the name of posterity and pride. Having made the two-minute trip to get the newspaper every morning for years, did very little to slow my anticipation on that cool morning. I had the usual small chatter with Mrs Gordon the vendor, flashed open the paper, and looked for my name. There it was not far from the top of the third column of alphabetically listed names. I remember smiling and planning to trick my now deceased mother into thinking I had not passed, but alas she had already gone to get a ‘fresh off the press’ copy from the Gleaner head office, and already knew the results. Well, at least for the first few minutes she played along and allowed me the joy of spinning my surprise. The spirit at school was upbeat for possibly 98% of those who sat the CEE, with the remaining unsuccessful 2% being assured of a place in a school that was on their list of choices.

The Process Then/Now

Things were quite different then, and I like to believe much more was achieved in giving each student a fair chance. The process was very simple based on the understanding of parents and students. There were a set of exams which matched all you had been taught, mixed with a dose of reasoning ability and common sense. A paper was given to each student prior to exams, which you would take home to consult with your parents about which high schools you would like to attend in order of preference…I think 3 or 4 were allowed. The ability to be placed at the school of first choice was dependent on how well you did on your exams. So, if you smashed it you’d be on the way to first, well enough gave you second or third, and if you failed completely you could apply for a space in an available high school….or repeat the form and resit the exam the following year. That was the basic understanding then, pretty much how it is today if you wanted to attend Yale, Harvard or Howard universities. The issue of a school having the space based on it’s popularity in choice was really an afterthought in the minds of many, but one thing was certain. It didn’t matter what address or socio-economic background…if you did well in those exams you felt certain of a placing at the school of your choice.

G-Sat and the Garrison

Unfortunately, the advent of the Grade Six Achievement Test (G-Sat) has changed that belief and reality. At inception, many teachers and administrators in the education system advised all who would hear that there need to be a shift and change in how parents selected schools. This was not about their need to change choices in schools, but change the address of the student. It was common knowledge, and has been for years, that if your child is taking G-Sat and you expect a placement in a school of your choice, then find an address that is close enough or at least appears to be in keeping with the geographical location. HOW in this day and age in Jamaica with the history we have could this even be remotely possible or be allowed? HOW can the idea of zoning in THIS country even be acceptable? Why should a child from Denham Town Primary who has passed his exams with good scores, and wants to attend Immaculate or Campion, be sent to Denham Town High simply because she/he lives in that community? Why should any suggestion be made that it saves time, money and other expenses to keep a child “close to home” if that child aspires to attend a school of her/his choice? The housekeeper who works in Norbrook keeps asking her employer if she can use her address on the form for her child who is sitting exams…why? because she wants her child to stand a chance of getting into that school and not relegated to ghetto status exposure and socialized deprivation.

Classist Culture

We have had a long history of classist culture in Jamaica and it doesn’t only flow from the rivers of the rich. Many persons from deprived communities have schooled their children in the thought that they can’t proudly declare their ghetto connections until they’ve made it in life and at a level. There was a time some of us wanted our children in certain schools because we figured the infiltration of the lower class was minimal and wouldn’t compromise the quality of the stock. There was also a time when poor people wanted their children in certain schools to refine them and create a new social order and class recognition. Many of these schools we now refer to as “traditional” were founded and existed on the premise of being strictly for the upper class, monied and ‘brown/white’ people. We all know that many of them had NO room for the children of the poor. However, we remain steadfast in our present day thoughts that many of those same schools are still seen as elite and premium and wish to select them for our children to attend. But why not? Why not choose what is perceived to be our ‘Ivy League’ schools? Why should a Jamaican child be denied access to ANY school because of address and not achievements?

New And Rising Stars

There are many schools in Jamaica that were seen years ago as next to nothing. Many of them used sports as a foundation for us to realise and recognize their scholastic achievements. I can list some of them in recent memory that have surpassed expectations and have gone on to do well consistently, but still fail to gain national acceptance and overall commendation. I wonder if some people remember that not so long ago NO ONE was fighting tooth and nail to have their child attend Ardenne High School? Yet, since the coming of a Scripps Howard Spelling Bee champion the tables have turned and the long-standing successes of Ardenne has been accepted. Some others are:

Haile Selassie High
Bridgeport High
Dunoon Technical
Charlie Smith
Tivoli Gardens High

These and many more have achieved successes, even though they’re not on the front burner for the average Jamaican parent or child. Most of them will be filled with children from surrounding and adjoining communities, along with those deemed ‘unable’ to get into the school of their choice. What we should be doing as a country is opening the gateway to high quality education to all, raising the standards of teaching AND the social platforms for these communities, instead of making them believe that their address is a curse and not coincidence. Do we recall that for decades the address of a person could be the difference in who gets a job and doesn’t? Or what position you can attain or not? Do we forget that many people who are today gainfully employed had to lie about where they live just to get a job? Yet we want to start the lives and minds of young, potentially great Jamaicans with the deck stacked against them. It is bad enough that we perpetrate this by the very prep schools we want them to attend, but the reality is this must be corrected and stopped NOW…or we will forever deem and doom our future generations to fail.

Rodney S. O. Campbell ©